Fate of Io
Level sketch of Part I Chapter 1, Sections 1-3
2005/06/04 10:51:30 PDT by Captain Vimes [0/13]
Awards: 4 from Dev

Added at 2005/06/04 10:51:49 PDT

It's eating my posts again!

Gah, I forget the format, so I’ll put the characters who are speaking in bold, actions in italics. Though, if I actually do do so is completely arbitrary. Descriptions will be normal text, and my notes will be in blue. I've toned down the size of the document to 90%, since at 100% I think bold looks obnoxious when used in these quantities.

For some reason, it looks even more irritating after I formatted the line breaks. Ah well.

All input would be great, since I'm not too adept at the Fate Of Io setting yet, so any trite/overused/stiff/plot-holish phrases should be pointed out. Post haste!

Syne is in bed, eyes open. He tosses and turns, evidently unable to sleep. The moon light shines in through one window, a sharp contrast to the darkness around them. Cade is sleeping on another bed, similar to a motel arrangement. Few details can be made out. Artists can make the rest up.

Noises from outside, whispering of people. You can’t actually hear it, but you can recognize it as people. Metal clinks, and there’s also a shuffling of feet.

Syne, Sitting up in bed. : “Eh? Why would there be people outside? Why are they whispering?” he scratches his head “And why are they messing around with machinery?”
Cade, who has been wakened by his muttering: “Let them get in trouble. I’m not getting out of my bed, it’s past curfew.” He turns over
[Syne:] “Hrm. I’m going to check it out. They shouldn’t be there.”
The cut-scene now ends, and the player has control of Syne.

If the player chooses to examine the closet there's nothing here. Syne and Cade don’t have lives outside of Pylos, and therefore don’t have many non-work clothes.

None of the desks contains anything of much interest, though Cade’s desk has a locked compartment.
If the player comes up to the window, they can see the terrorists coming down the lane.

If the player checked out the window, they’ll see the terrorists pass the bunker. As an additional note, one should be female. This would be Enna.:
The group’s backs are to Syne, as they passed the bunker.
Syne: “What are you doing here? It’s past curfew. ”
Figure 1, startled : “Who’s there?!.”
everyone draws their weapons, Syne is awarded a small exp bonus
-Go to battle scene –

If they ignored it:
The group is proceeding down the lane, but didn’t walk past the bunker. They subsequently notice him opening the door.
Figure 1: “Hey! You! Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”
Syne: “It’s past curfew. Shouldn’t you be in bed?”
Figure 2, drawing sword: “No.”
-weapons are drawn, but no exp is awarded-

Battle Scene:
Only two terrorists attack, the third stops and puts down the wheelbarrow before joining in one turn later.

They each deal moderate damage to Syne’s life. (It should be clear that this battle could end in a loss, since Syne, despite his strength, can’t deal fatal blows with his fist, since he isn’t trained. Hm. Should you be able to deal fatal blows unarmed? Could you knock them out, but have a hard time killing them unless they were prone/you hit a vital organ?

After the second round, the door opens and a shadow slinks around the terrorists. The shadow is Cade, who decided to check on what Syne was doing after the battle begins. The terrorists pay no attention.

At this point, Cade drops in with an arm blade [This was what was locked up earlier], and attacks a terrorist member.
Cade, flourishing his blade in what he hopes is a dramatic way: “Need any help?”
Syne, flatly : “Yes.”

Cade, who is certainly more threatening with a blade than Syne with fists, drive off the two terrorists after one attack. The third terrorist attempts to wheel the device away, but after Syne and Cade start forwards after her, she leaves it and runs out. Should we have a special dress for Enna so that Syne can easily recognize her later on, or should the indicating feature simply be that she’s the only female in the group?

Cade, waving his blade triumphantly: “Ahah! Another win for me!”
Syne kneels and examines the contraption: “Well, they weren’t up to no/any good.”
Cade, looking over curiously: “What is it?”
Syne lifts it experimentally, and runs his hand over the item: “I don’t know…. Maybe an explosive.”
Cade, throwing his arms up: “A WHAT?!”
Syne, putting his hands on Cade’s shoulder: “Calm down, it’s nearly dawn. We can deliver it then.”
Cade, shaking his head: “Geez, an explosive. You keep it over on your side of the bunker, you hear?” he pauses “Well, it probably won’t make much difference anyhow. Just be careful.”
Syne, grinning: “Alright”
They head back to their bunker, Syne easily lifting the explosive

-The day begins-

The scene starts with the working day already in progress. Syne and Cade are working together with other employees moving equipment. The sun is already up, and the day is clear, though a bit dusty. A worker approaches them.

Worker 1: “Hey! Syne! Foreman [name] wants to see you!”
Worker 2, who is working with Syne, said jokingly: “Not in trouble, are you?”
Worker 3: “Heard you and Cade hollering/yelling something last night”
Worker 4: “Up to no good, the two of you?”
They laugh, Cade blushes crimson, Syne stands up
Syne: “Quit it guys. You know me. Are you sure you’ll be able to handle this with out me?”
Cade, towards Worker 4: “Are you impugning upon my honor?!”(Or, if that’s too wordy) “Are you making fun of me?!”
The two get into an argument, and the player now regains control of the character.

On his way to the Foreman’s office, Syne can talk with a bunch of people, though most of them are working. They get general responses:
“Hey Syne, taking a break?”
“Syne! I heard that [Foreman’s name] is looking for you”
“Mess hall is closed Syne, shouldn’t you know that by now?”
“Syne, you and me should get together in an arm-wrestling competition sometime. I reckon I can teach you a thing or two.”
“Ugh. It’s so hot today. I can barely move!”
“You know, I can remember back when this was all grassland. On my days I would go fishing, or just lounge in the shade of a tree. Look at it now. Makes you wonder.”
“Hello Syne, how’s it going?”
“The tins in the mess hall aren’t nearly enough to keep a working man full until lunch, don’t you agree?”
“What are they really mining, hm?”

There was more, but I’ve managed to forget it -_-‘.

If Syne investigates any items, crates, or the sort, the contents come up, with the thought that Syne ‘shouldn’t steal company property’

If Syne hangs about Cade, this scene follows, until the player leaves.

Worker 4: “Come on Cade, haven’t you ever learned to take a joke?”
Cade: “Yes, but if the jokes on me… well…”
Worker 3: “Come on, get back to work you two. [name], stop baiting Cade.”
Cade: “Are you implying that I’m argumentative!? Is that it?” / “Are you calling me out?”
Grumbling, Cade returns to work with the others. He’s trying to prove himself, and works extra hard.

The Foreman’s office is sparsely decorated, with faded posters of bygone teams on the walls. There’s a light, and it’s on, giving the scene a slightly sterilized look in the artificial light Note: It should be tinged slightly blue, like fluorescent lighting. The window is shuttered, and paperwork is neatly stacked. The overall impression is of someone who keeps all accounts neat and straightened. There are two doors, one which is behind the Foreman.

Foreman: “Ah, Syne, glad you could make it.”
Syne: “Well, heh, it’s not like I have anything else to do.”
Foreman, chuckling: “Syne, I remember when you first came here. You were so young. You acted like you could take on the world…” I’m not sure about this part. Take it out, most probably.
Syne: “Sir?”
Foreman, looking embarrassed: “No, I’m just thinking about this assignment. You know, you’ve worked here longer than everyone else, and that’s why I’m choosing you to be part of this next job.” He draws out a manila folder: “You see, that device was a bomb. The situation is extremely delicate. I need you to get this to Titan city, where the Pylos headquarters are.
Syne: “Shouldn’t you just take a courier?”
Foreman: “No no no, this is much too confidential for that. I need someone I can trust.” He pauses “You’ll also be able to relate to him you’re first hand account. I believe no one else knows of the incident, right?”
Syne: “Well, not really…”
Foreman: “Excellent! Come on, here you go!” He hands the folder over “A buggy is outside, along with a guard. I’m certain that we can clear this thing up in no time. Take the back door.”
If the player exits and goes back to Cade, he says: “Wow, cool! Can I come?”

Once the player get’s on the buggy, it begins to leave alongside the road.
Syne sits next to the escort, in the back. They are occasionally jostled as the driver hits a bump or two. There are no sounds other than the quiet rumbling of the cart on the road, though if there’s dialogue, there’s that too.
Should we have dialogue at all? Should it be player controlled decision to talk, or should he be silent? Syne is a man of few words.
Syne: “So, where are we going?”
Escort, obviously reluctant to be here: “Trosene.”
Syne: “Aren’t we going to Titan City?”
Escort, sarcastically: “Of course. We need to cross the lake to get there.
Syne: “You know, that attitude won’t get you far in life.”
Escort, muttering: “It got me here, didn’t it? Escorting some two-bit bumpkin.”
Syne: “What?”
Escort: “No-“

Or, if we just take silence,

Escort, muttering: “It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?”

The buggy is knocked to the side of the road as the dragon collides with it. Syne climbs out and sees a gigantic dragon above him, flying away, but also turning for another attack.

Syne starts running off the road. He turns around and sees the escort grabbed in the dragon’s claws. The scream rips through the air amid the settling of the wreckage and Syne’s pants I mean breathing pants. You big freak..

The dragon hovers and spins for a wing-beat, eyes (and neck, which indicates where the dragon intends to go) swiveling towards Syne. It starts diving towards him.

Syne starts running harder, and the dragon is steadily gaining. Should this be a cut scene, or should it be a mini-game? A second later, Dell appears, behind Syne but in front of the dragon. (He’s Aequus, and later on we find he’s simply protecting Dell’s territory)
Dell: “Hey! What are you doing here?”

Aequus backwings furiously, trying to keep balance and not squash the small Antarean. He rests, and gives impression of wanting to learn more, possibly by tilting his head and extending his neck.

Dell: “What has this guy ever done to you?”
Syne, whispering: “Won’t you tell him to pick on someone his own size?”
Dell: “Ye- no! That’s only in dreadfully clich- Hey!”
I can’t believe I wrote this segment in the first place Blarg.
Aequus, satisfied that Syne poses no threat, roars once for the look of things and wings off.
Dell, shaking his head: “Strange fellow, that, don’t you agree?“
Syne, sitting down: “Yes, definitely.”
Dell, playing the role of a concerned host:“Oh, well, we can always hop back to my cave until you feel better, no problem!”

Dell motions Syne over, and Syne follows bemusedly. Dell chatters until the scene fades out, though this won’t be ‘formal’ dialogue, with captions. It can simply be a stream of questions, or aimless banter.

Mystick mentioned that Dev wanted to write Dell, so I'll cut off at this point.

2005/06/04 12:43:38 PDT by Dev [manager]
[Dev's avatar]

Wow, Vimes... that came outta nowhere. Your writing is good, and there're some funny ideas in here that we should keep. Yes, I'm implying most of this probably won't be used. The primary reason is that we should wait until master scripting to do dialogue, gameplay design, and artistic design all at the same time (i.e. Fate of Io will be taking an integrated design approach). Also, there are a few errors (that we haven't discussed) which I suppose I can point out now. I'll also point out things you did right.

  • Syne and Cade are probably not in a "hotel arrangement." They share a bunk. That's just about all that "belongs" to them. The barracks where they sleep is open, no privacy, with a ton of other bunks. Remember this is a temporary lodging.

  • It's probably too dark or foggy to see that one of the terrorists is Enna, but good for you for remembering.

  • Scripting the fight is one of the things we can't do right now. We don't have anything even resembling a complete battle system, let alone the larger gameplay system in which it sits.

  • Cade doesn't have his armblade. Syne doesn't have a quarterstaff. Pylos workers certainly aren't armed.

  • The random morning dialogue is mostly good. Though, when he says “What are they really mining, hm?” remember that these are the construction guys, not the miners who will move in once the mining station has been completed. Someone might get confused.

  • I'm not sure what the relationship between the foreman and Syne should be... something to think about: Does he know he's sending Syne to a hitman? Is he just acting under orders?

  • Dell's dialogue ... um ... yeah. We should probably have another entire thread just for that. :P

2005/06/04 16:20:44 PDT by mystik3eb [0/43]
[mystik3eb's avatar]
Quote from Captain Vimes:

Should we have a special dress for Enna so that Syne can easily recognize her later on, or should the indicating feature simply be that she’s the only female in the group?

Syne doesn't recognize her later. Then again, Cade does...so maybe.

2005/06/13 09:47:47 PDT by BioKupo [0/0]

Syne, whispering: “Won’t you tell him to pick on someone his own size?”
Dell: “Ye- no! That’s only in dreadfully clich- Hey!” I can’t believe I wrote this segment in the first place Blarg

I actually like that :p

2005/10/14 17:51:42 PDT by Davy boy2000b [0/13]
[Davy boy2000b's avatar]

I haven't had a chance to read through the entire thing because I have a Tomb Raider title to start before bed so here's a quick suggestion for the beginning:

Let's imagine you've been working for Pylos for most of you life and you barely ever experience anything outside your work, when lights and noises occur outside your living quarter windows, you wouldn't immediately be saying "Why are there people outside?", you'd possibly think you were dreaming first, maybe rub your eyes or ask someone "I'm not sure buddy, but is there light comin out of our windows?"

You might be in denial, or think something official is happening with the company like a high priority delivery or a VIP arrival...but on second inspection, after your eyes focus properly (you've been sleeping) you notice shapes that resemble people. This is where maybe a camera shot in the character's eyes through the window would happen, initially showing a very blurry scene, then a more focused, clearer scene. This adds to the player's involvment.

Thinking about it now, I think I might take this scripts and make a re-working. Contributing towards the storyline/script for the first time 'cuz as we all know I love gameplay =)

Added at 2005/10/17 07:57:49 PDT

I've been reading Part I and II today and something in Part I, Chapter 2, Section 3 bothers me.

Syne and Delloran decend an elevator that starts as far up as the main governing offices all the way down to ground, where it is a narrow service corridor leading to an access alleyway onto the street.

Unguarded, unsafe and impractical. If this elevator was known about before, anybody could just go straight up into the upper levels of the building from a mere service access alleyway on ground level. Major loophole.

I'd like to make a suggestion or two. Perhaps the terrorists made a zip line from a window a few floors up from the ground to avaid the guards at the ground forming a ring of steel. Enna could use her bow to shoot a rope to another building. This could lead to a dramatic exit from the building, showing more of Titan City's cityscape and additional peril with the building behind them collapsing. Although Enna and co made it out in time, Syne would have started the zip line perhaps a little late with the line becoming slack as the building behind them starts collapsing. Perhaps he drops and knocks himself unconsious, or Dell could save him last minute?

A bit more could go into this I suppose, but the elevator going from executive offices straight down to unguarded and secluded service hallways into alleyways is unrealistic.

I remember Part I being final and no more changes were to be considered, but this one I think, definately needs consideration.

2007/10/09 20:55:55 PDT by Daskie [0/0]

Don't mind me but this game sounds pretty tight! =D

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