Fate of Io
[general] Proofread the stuff I wrote today!
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2005/04/13 22:44:15 PDT by Temporal [manager]
[Temporal's avatar]

I will give one point for each spelling or grammatical error that you guys can find in the large amount of text I wrote today. I may give more points for good suggestions for how to improve the text.

The main thing I did today was write up the how-to section, though anything other section I edited today also counts, so check the activity tracker.

Added at 2005/04/13 22:45:57 PDT

Note that I said "section", not "post". Thus, the error in the last sentence of the above post doesn't count. -_-

(Gee, that was ironic.)

2005/04/13 22:50:47 PDT by Dev [manager]
[Dev's avatar]

This task goes for my changes as well. As it turns out (perhaps some self-selection), Temp has been working in the project section, while almost all of my edits will be spread throughout the game section.

2005/04/14 00:20:21 PDT by mystik3eb [0/43]
Awards: 11 from Temporal
[mystik3eb's avatar]

Home -> The Project: Refers to the section as if discussions will occur, yet there is no way to post on any of the pages within...not anything super, it's just a change in this will avoid future confusion and maybe people going "it says we can talk here, but I can't post anywhere!"

Home -> The Project -> Introduction: Very very very minor note, really, but under "3" it says we've been around for over 2 years...quite a bit more than 2 years, isn't it? =)

Home-> The Project -> How to Use This Site -> Award System:

1. Under "Do not brag about points" it says "your points totals are displayed..." Either the word "points" should not be plural (just fits better) or the paragraph could change referring to the total from plural to singular, depending on how you wanna look at it. That's my take, at least.

2. Second to last paragraph, again is mispelt as "agian."

Home -> The Game -> Setting -> Groups -> Pylos Mining Corp.:

1. First paragraph: Titan continent (capitalize "continent?" Is "Titan Continent" its name, or is it just "Titan?").

2. First paragraph: "buniness" (business, I believe)

3. Second paragraph: "head-scrating" (scratching, I believe...lol)

Now to test links:

Home -> The Project -> Introduction: The link to Dev's profile goes to a "Not found" page

Home -> The Project -> Staff: The links to Dev and Temp go to the Home page (shouldn't they go to their profiles? Same issue as before)

Clicking on Home in the activity tracker goes back to the Activity Tracker (basically refreshes it) instead of actually going to "Home"...is this normal?

Home -> The Project -> How to Use This Site -> Award System: The link says "open tasks." For the sake of uniformity...shouldn't it be "current tasks?"

Home -> The Game -> Setting -> Groups -> Pylos Mining Crop.: None of the links work

This is my proofread of what's been updated thus far. And out of curiosity's sake, when will the official images for characters with official images be placed on their pages?

Added at 2005/04/14 00:43:49 PDT

Home -> The Project:

1. The link to "Introduction" is incorrect

2. Description of "Introduction": Maybe should say "join the project" instead of "join in the project."

3. Description of "How to Use This Site: "...to posts to..." Posting would flow better...*shrug*

Added at 2005/04/14 16:41:56 PDT

Home -> The Game -> Characters -> Player Characters -> Rheya: Second paragraph: "chuck of ore" (chunk [of eumonite?])

2005/04/14 00:44:49 PDT by Temporal [manager]
[Temporal's avatar]

I count eight flaws in my stuff. Well, technically Dev wrote the text you saw in /project that didn't really make any sense, and I knew it needed updating, but I'm giving you a point for it anyway. I have rewritten that section and fixed all the other errors you pointed out.

The only stuff I didn't fix or award points for is the stuff in the Pylos Mining section. I think Dev wasn't finished with that section. In any case, I'll let him award whatever points he thinks you deserve for those suggestions.

Note that this task remains open, as I believe Dev intends to do a lot more editing in the near future. (And, of course, further mistakes found in my stuff still count.)

Added at 2005/04/14 00:53:12 PDT

Three more points. Damn, you're racking them up here. :P

Quote from mystik3eb:

1. The link to "Introduction" is incorrect

I'm dumb. Fixed.

Quote from mystik3eb:

2. Description of "Introduction": Maybe should say "join the project" instead of "join in the project."


Quote from mystik3eb:

3. Description of "How to Use This Site: "...to posts to..." Posting would flow better...*shrug*

I actually meant "how to apply text formatting to posts" as one phrase, but I see how that's ambiguous. Removed "to posts".

Added at 2005/04/14 02:17:34 PDT

Oh yeah... I actually didn't fix the problem with the "Home" link in the activity tracker bringing you right back to the activity tracker. That's a deeper bug that I can't fix without a code edit... and frankly I don't care enough to fix the code. :P

2005/04/14 16:44:47 PDT by mystik3eb [0/43]
[mystik3eb's avatar]

Just wondering if appending the post actually isn't supposed to update the thread, cuz right now it doesn't. With that note, I appended my post yet again.

2005/04/14 18:38:35 PDT by Temporal [manager]
[Temporal's avatar]

Appending does not move the thread up in the activity list. Appending is meant for correcting a post, not to add new information. You really should be creating separate posts rather than appending...

2005/04/23 09:55:23 PDT by Siemova [0/24]
Awards: 8 from Dev
[Siemova's avatar]

I don't think most of these are newly-written or -amended pages, but I've noticed a few errors which could stand fixing nonetheless. :)

The Game > Setting > Locations > Titan Continent > Avemy
Toward the end of the second paragraph, Gygans are referred to as Petrolans.

The Game > Setting > Locations > Titan Continent > Camp Nimbus
"More wealthy" is incorrect grammar; however, the whole first sentence flows kind of awkwardly, so I'd probably just rework it as something like, "Catering to the whims of the wealthy, a prestigious inn agency built Camp Nimbus in a most remarkable locale. For a hefty price..." I'd also drop the second instance of "construction" in the last sentence.

The Game > Setting > Locations > Titan Continent > Io
Again, the first sentence is a bit clumsy. (No offense meant to whomever wrote these. :-p) A possible rewrite: "Isolated in the far North, the town of Io graces an island on the edge of the world's tropical zone." The beginning of the second paragraph, as well, might be worded better. "...includes members of all the world's races, excepting dragons," perhaps?

The Game > Setting > Locations > Titan Continent > Port Korra / Beniport
*grimace* This one should be fun, haha. Let's see... "The ruling family of Port Korra, from whom its name derived, long maintained an isolationist attitude toward trade with other cities. About twelve years before the game, a man named Benivalle gained power among young members of the upper class, whose economic ambitions left them increasingly discontent. Leveraging their support, Benivalle secretly but forcefully drove the Korras from the city. On being told that their rulers had abandoned them, citizens embraced Benivalle as their new ruler and renamed the city Beniport in his honor."
Now, the final sentence on the page claims that Benivalle's expansionist trade policies failed, but I have to say that doesn't make a lot of sense. Beniport is a port - a natural funnel for goods from other townships. The Korras, quite honestly, were wrong. Opening to trade could hardly fail to reap benefits. So, I submit that we focus on the latter point, which is that, however lucrative this expansion became, ever-steeper taxes gave most of the profits to Benivalle and left his subjects worse off than they'd been originally.

Blast. Looks like I don't have time to finish this section right now - I have to go run a spotlight for a play! More will come later.

Hi, btw. ^_^

2005/04/23 11:19:51 PDT by Temporal [manager]
[Temporal's avatar]

Hey, welcome back! Looks like it's been almost two years. I think all your comments are in Dev's department so I'll let him deal with them and reward you as appropriate.

2005/04/29 16:31:42 PDT by Bahamut ONE [0/4]
Awards: 4 from Temporal

Hi also :o

Found a few mistakes in the "How To Use This Site" section.

Forum code, last paragraph: "This page, for example, uses the above two menthods"

Submitting files ToS: "First and formost,"

Basics>Registering: "You can find a list of these sites here [TODO: Link to evlan.org's site list]."
Don't know if that's supposed to be there but it looks weird.

also in the "Staff" page, Advisory staff paragraph: "Advisory positions are not permenant."

2005/04/29 18:11:23 PDT by Temporal [manager]
[Temporal's avatar]

Wow, way to spot spelling errors there. Four mistakes, four points.

2005/04/30 03:57:47 PDT by Dev [manager]
[Dev's avatar]

Good to see you back, Siemova ... though, apparently not back again, yet. I was going to wait until you continued, but realized there wasn't any real reason, so I've rewarded your rewrites so far appropriately (more than one point each since you came up with the corrections yourself as well). I hope you decide to continue, since you've had some insightful commentary on top of the well-written edits (some of which I tweaked, but can mostly be found verbatim in those sections now).

2005/05/07 14:37:22 PDT by Temporal [manager]
[Temporal's avatar]

Closing this topic in favor of the more general version I'm about to post.

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