Initially I am only going to proof read the node opener pages. After I've done those I'd like to try proofreading the sub-nodes as deep as the location descriptions for example. It's going to be a mammoth task but I'd like to do as much of this as possible before working on a different current task.
At the foot of every page is the copyright statement. It uses a comma delimited list. It is incorrect to use a comma followed by an 'and' in stating the final item in a list.
Original: Kenton Varda, and contributors
Suggested: Kenton Varda and contributors
The same problem exists in the statement below the copyright decleration.
Original: Powered by Io Community Manager, Evlan, and FreeBSD
Suggested: Powered by Io Community Manager, Evlan and FreeBSD
Grammar. Which/that misconception.
Original: In this section you will find tasks which the project managers
Suggested: In this section you will find tasks that the project managers
Word order causing confusion. A game that role-plays a computer? lol
Original: a computer role-playing game.
Suggested: a role-playing computer game.
Isn't 'correct' English. Does not sound right.
Original: Please at least look through it before posting
Suggested 1: We plead that you at least take a look through it before posting
Suggested 2: We ask that you take a quick look through it before posting
Another comma, and error on the last sentence. It isn't needed to break the flow, either.
Original: progress, and
Suggested: progress and
Bad web design. Just below the member name is a link to 'home'. If you look about two inches to the left of this link is the same link in the navigational bar.
Under 'Midsummer Mark', the paragraph beginning with 'First and foremost'
Punctuation. Not sure whether either of these commas should be there or not. The original has one commas after the quote but I think this comma shouldn't be there but instead one should be there before the quote. The one before I'm definate about because you should always put a comma before a quote in the middle of a sentence. The existing one after I'm not sure about but it does improve flow.
Original: the site to ask "What's the hold up?", this
Suggested: the site to ask, "What's the hold up?", this
Fabricated word? If it's a joke or something, it looks messy! What was Dev smoking?!
Original: Finally (and... aftmost?),
Under 'Software Update', the paragraph beginning with 'Just about every page'.
wavey -> wavy
Under 'Relaunch' on first line
Hearby -> Hereby
This is where I stop checking through the News page because I don't think it really matters. They're posted by Dev and Temp so they've got a margin of error. There are a few more but I give up. I'll leave the above suggestions there for now just in case you guys appreciate these points.
The top paragraph
occurences -> occurrences
The dramatis personae; get to know each of the principal actors in the story.
Wording. I'm not sure if we should call our characters, 'actors'.
Another comma delimited error.
Original: We are introduced to Syne, Delloran, Enna, Cade, Rheya, Wallace, Benivalle, Dantalian, Hyde, and Kydran.
Suggested: We are introduced to Syne, Delloran, Enna, Cade, Rheya, Wallace, Benivalle, Dantalian, Hyde and Kydran.
Original: We are introduced to Ko, Brooke, Rush, Kory, Paerda, and Tyrus.
[/b]Suggested: [/b]We are introduced to Ko, Brooke, Rush, Kory, Paerda and Tyrus.
completely different setting, when the heir of
I think the comma isn't needed and the when should be a 'where'.
also: heir -> heiress
First paragraph. There is an unnecessary comma.
we follow their stories, and this section
Second paragraph. There is an entire word missing!
Original: controlled by player
Suggested: controlled by the player
Brooke's line. The poor girl is not a man! She isn't an heir, she's an heiress!
Intro paragraph. Unnecessary comma breaking the sentence up too much.
Original: distinct person, with believable
Suggested: distinct person with believable
Another 'and,' error. This is incorrect English language. You can't have a comma delimited list with the last object being listed with a comma AND a comma.
Original: believable motivations, histories, desires, and fears.
Suggested: believable motivations, histories, desires and fears.
Rush's line. Not sure if it's correct to the plot.
Rush, a knight-turned-nomad and Protector of an ancient code
Sure, he's a knight-turned-nomad but what ancient code is he following exactly? Upon clicking his profile and reading up on him, I find the only 'code' is to keep the war going for as long as possible. I'm not quite sure if this can be called a 'code' as such. He sure is a Protector, though =) I'm not quite sure how this can be amended.
Under locations. Two seperate words that ahve made into one word.
Original: as well as the smaller wartorn island of Kay Pacha.
Suggested: as well as the smaller war torn island of Kay Pacha.
Another ', and' error. in a list or not, this comma doesn't belong.
entirely different reasons, and it can't be
Redundant dash that has no use. In my opinion, I'd take both these dashes out.
Original: to create small- to medium-size
Suggested: to create small to medium sized
Near the end of the page there's a left/right mix up.
Original: For more details about Fate of Io's gameplay, use the navigation bar at the right to read this section's sub-sections.
Suggested: For more details about Fate of Io's gameplay, use the navigation bar at the left to read this section's sub-sections.
Second paragraph. There's a that/which mix up.
Original: Each character has a unique set of abilities which can be used
Suggested: Each character has a unique set of abilities that can be used
There are two more in the following, third paragraph.
Original: Some are enemies which must be fought. Others are more passive puzzles which must be solved.
Suggested: Some are enemies that must be fought. Others are more passive puzzles that must be solved.
Capitalisation. (this will not necessarily be in the game) -> This
Under 'Example Puzzle' there's yet more comma-and error. Just get shot of the commas. The bullet that starts with 'The people of Titan Continent'
Original 1: Antareans (despite Kydran being one), and probably
Original 2: no battle at all, and is not likely
More which/that confusions.
Original: menu listing all of the actions which the selected character(s)
Suggested: menu listing all of the actions that the selected character(s)
Original: highlight "special" objects which can be manipulated?
Suggested: highlight "special" objects that can be manipulated?
Phew...!! I believe that's all of 'em right up to the very end of 'The Game'. I haven't gone deep intot he sub-sub-nodes. I'll start that another day. This took me an entire day. That's most of 9 hours of proof reading and so I shall go now and relax my mind with a bit of MMORPG =)
The sad thing is, I could probably finish all the proof reading before somebody notices activity... *waves*